The Talk
by KibaKibbles
Summary: 13 year old Luke Skywalker has his first crush, but it's on a 65 year old women. AU fic. Please leave a review, and Flames are ok as long as they have constructive criticism. UPDATE! NEW CHAPTER!
1. Buns and arguments

**Chapter 1: Redone**

It was a clear blue sunny day on the planet of Naboo, and Anakin Skywalker and his lovely, but secret wife Padme woke up to the usual sound of screaming. Seconds later the door burst open with an angry blonde boy who had what looked like 2 ponytails on both sides of his head, and a grinning girl with brown hair who very much resembled her mother.

"Mom, Dad! Leia keeps trying to put buns in my hair!" Luke Skywalker screamed.

"I think buns would look cute on him, plus maybe he will look hot enough for _Angela_." Leia said sarcastically.

"SHUT UP!" screamed Luke who was turning redder the second.

Anakin sat up with a disgusted look on his face and said, "Wait, isn't Angela your 60 year old history teacher?"

"Yea, but Luke thinks she's hot even though she's like ancient." Leia said jokingly.

"Leia be nice to your brother, he just has a little crush. That happens to be on an old woman. It's almost the same as your crush with Milo." Padme said tiredly, "Now hurry, you two need to get dressed for school."

"I think it's time to give them the talk Anakin." Padme said after the twins left the room.

"NOOO!" Anakin screamed

Anakin didn't know what to do, he was at lost for words. How exactly did a person teach about sex. His own experience with getting the talk wasn't so great, and now he had to tell his own kids. To Anakin his worst nightmare came true. Anakin wanted to get it overwith, so he went to Leia's room took out a stuffed bear, and a doll and headed downstairs and approached his kids.

"So kids, do you wanna learn about sex?" Anakin said with a fake enthusiastic look on his face.

"Anakin! We're trying to eat, tell them later." Said Padme.

Luke and Leia just stared at their mother gratefully, the last thing that they wanted to hear from their dad was about Sex. In their minds, parents shouldn't even know that kind of stuff.

After a very awkward breakfast, their mother drove them to school, and left a very agitated Anakin sitting all alone at home.

**Author's Note: Sorry, I redid this, but I realized how much I mutilated it later on, it made little sense.**


	2. Getting Ready and Conversations

**Note: I forgot to say this story is pure AU, Anakin never turned to the darkside. I also have to make this story were Obi-Wan knows about Anakin and Padme's marriage and about the twins. **

**Also thanks for the reviews, this chapter won't be so short, I hope.**

After the twins had left for school and Padme left for Theed to meet with the Queen, Anakin made a secret phone call.

"Obi-Wan I have some bad news, Padme wants me to give the twins the talk. But as you may now from when you gave me the talk, I get a little sick." Anakin said blushing.

There was a laugh on the other line and then Obi-Wan said, "Oh yes, I remember, you permanently ruined my favorite robe."

**A Long, Long time ago when Anakin was 14……………………………**

"Well Anakin, since your becoming more mature and is starting to know that girls aren't icky anymore, I think it's time for me to give you the talk." Obi-Wan said.

"NOOOO! Please master not the talk! When Tru got the talk from his master he was to embarrassed to look at any girl for a month. Plus, I thought doing you-know-what is forbidden in the order?"

"It is my young padawan, but ever since that one incident with a jedi everyone in the Jedi Order has to receive the talk."

"Oh master, just because master Yoda did you-know-what and had some mini-Yoda's doesn't mean I am." Anakin said in a whining voice.

"Well to make sure let's get started. Ok, first thing first, when a male species, in your case a human, and a woman species love each other, which sould NEVER happen to you they sort of bond."

"Bond? What sort of bond?" Anakin asked.

"Well they get……………….." Obi-Wan said hesitantly.

"They get what!" screamed an annoyed Anakin.

By now Obi-Wan was thinking giving the talk to Anakin wasn't such a good idea.

"They get together and make a baby." Obi-Wan said with a pale look on his face.

Still confused Anakin asked, "How exactly do you make a baby?"

Obi-Wan was to disgusted/shy about saying what you have to do to have a baby out loud so he just whispered it into Anakin's ear.

"OH MY GOSH! THAT'S SICK!" Anakin screamed on the top of his lungs after Obi-Wan told him. Then Anakin's usual tanned face suddenly turned green and he puked all over his master.

**Back to present day**

"Well what am I going to do?" Anakin asked Obi-Wan, "I don't want to get puked on.

"No need to worry all you have to tell the twins is some kind of made up story that will scare them. But don't make it to disgusting, or you'll have to not feed them before they get the talk." With that said Obi-Wan ended the call.

**Authors note: Well what do you think, I ran out of ideas at the end, sort of, but please review you input is greatly needed. I should update hopefully on Monday.**


	3. Chapter 3

Authors Note: Thanks for the cool reviews! I appreciate it so very much. Actually got me writing again… Also for the thing about how some people might not know what "the talk" actually it is… Well, it's when parents or a guardian or in my case a Health teacher explains what Sex is. And well if you don't know what Sex is, your out of luck, cause I'm not going to explain that. Enough with that though.

On with the Story!

As Luke approached the huge school, he had a mighty grin on his face. Today was the day where the first part of his plan to get Angel Angela to love him was to go into effect.

"Hey Luke, my man!" Screamed a very handsome Han Solo, snapping Luke out of his daze as he approached him. "Where's your lovely Lil Sis?"

"Ugh! I'm right here stupid, and another thing. I don't ever want to here _you _call me lovely again, do it and you will die under my father's lightsabre." Said a very angry Leia from behind Luke.

"Whatever girl, sheesh! But you do know I'm single, right?" said Han.

"Will you both shut it!… Anyways, how do I look? Stunning? Dazzling? Madly handsome?" Said Luke.

"Ummm, Dude? Are you coming on to me?" Said Han jokingly.

"You look great for Lovely Angela, but then again anyone would look great standing next to her." Leia said as she ran off for school to avoid her brother's clutches.

"Sisters.. So very annoying." Said an annoyed Luke.

"You mean so very hot… Uh oh! Bell's going to ring in 2 minutes, lets get in before Mr. Tahii (pronounced like, Ta, then He.) get's on our nerves again, I mean seriously why can't teachers understand that kids will always be late sometimes?" Said Han.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Back to Anakin

After Anakin finished contemplating Obi-Wan's talk with him, Anakin knew what he had to do. He was going to learn about Sex. And the perfect place to do that was at a holocron store.

As Anakin entered **Ramsin's Holocron Shop **he looked around for a customor service person. He then spotted a very pale woman with red hair sitting in a corner.

"Hello," said Anakin as he approached her, "Ummm.. This is my first time here and I don't really know where the thing I'm looking for is. "

"Well _sir_, what exactly are you looking for?" She said in a very annoyed but bored voice.

Anakin started adverting his eyes, and flushed deeply, "Ah, you see. I'm going to give my kids "the talk."

"Oh, to bad. I remember when I gave my daughter "the talk," she refused to talk to me for weeks. Well sir, since I know it must be hard for parents I'll make sure you get all the information you need to make this go smoothly." The woman said sympathetically. "By the way, my name is Maya Jade."

**Well, that's it for Today. I thought I'd make it a special day by just updating the little I wrote. Also I have a slight cliff hanger, you know Jade, you'll find out more about this Maya Jade person in the next post, maybe… You never know.**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own or profit with anything to do with Star Wars, well I do profit in a way, my grammar is getting much better.

"Beritolie."

"Here!"

"Bystine."

"Here."

As Mr. Tahii started to take attendance Luke started phase 1 of his plan to get Angela to love him.

"Skywalker."

"Here!"

"Other Skywalker."

"Here." Said a distracted Luke as he was looking over the letter he was going to give to Angela. There wasn't a lot written, but it did explain a lot of his feelings for her.

_Dear Angela,_

_I love you. I love you a lot. When I see you in class you make my stomach drop. I think of you when I'm in bed. I think of you in my head. I remember when I first met you, it was the first day of 7th grade, back when I was still a boy, not yet a man. I had just walked in your classroom thinking how bad it smelled. When I saw your face I stopped in my tracks, gapping at your beauty, I was set. I started getting strange feelings in my stomach; it was all because of you. Angela I love you._

_Love, _

_Your Luke_

Luke was just finishing looking over his letter with satisfaction, hew was going to deliver his letter during lunch break when no one was in the room, along with a dozen roses he had stored in his sack.

Just then from out of nowhere, Mr. Tahii took the letter from his hand, a smile creeping on the older man's face.

At the moment all of the blood drained from Luke's face, he knew the penalty for writing notes in class. His letter was about to be broadcasted in front of the whole class and posted on the bulletin board for everyone to read, by the end of the day everyone would know the Great Anakin Skywalker's son was in love with a woman that could be his grandma.

"Dude, what did you write?" Han asked, whispering from behind his ear.

Luke didn't respond. He was just gapping like a fish, pale in the face as his teacher read the letter to himself, noting how his teacher's facial expression changed from embarrassment to humorous. After Mr. Tahii was done reading the letter, the teacher could barely keep from laughing.

"Umm. W-well Luke, I'm not going to post this letter, but I am going to have you see me after class."

"O-ok M-Mr. Tahii." Luke sputtered out, somewhat relieved.

Luke could barely get through the rest of the class, his mind was still buzzing from his embarrassment with his teacher. His math teacher now knew of his love life, plus he didn't even want to know what would happen to him after class.

"Common Luke, let me read the letter. It can't be that bad. Is it about Angela?" Han kept persisting.

"No!" Luke lied.

"Whatever…. Loser." Han said grumpily.

After the remaining 30 minutes of class, the bell rang, and Luke waited for the rest of the class to leave the room so he could face his teacher. After the classroom emptied and Luke shooed his pestering sister and his best friend away he began his not so far away journey to the teacher's desk.

"Sit down Luke."

Luke sat down on the banana chair across from his teacher's metallic desk. In any other occasion Luke would've been happy sitting on that chair, everyone loved it, but right now all Luke wanted to do was be anywhere else but there.

"Luke, I think you know the reason I wanted to speak to you."

Luke shifted nervously but didn't respond.

"No? Well then, the reason I called you here is because, of course, your letter."

Luke blushed furiously, ignoring this Mr. Tahii continued.

"I understand you are a growing boy, and your probably changing both physically and mentally. I know what it's like being your age. I was once your age you know."

Mr. Tahii paused for a moment, trying to put together what he was trying to say.

"When I was your age I was attracted to girls and women too. I used to write letters and notes to girls who I had crushes on."

Luke just stared at the man in horror; he did not want to know about his math teacher's love life.

"I had a similar experience that happened to me, you know being attracted to older women. In a way I don't see what is wrong with it I mean they're more experienced and oh- umm- yea."

Luke was gapping at the man; he wouldn't have been surprised if drool was running from his mouth. He was suffering enough already. But Mr. Tahii didn't stop there; he just kept going on and on. Making Luke start to turn and ultraviolet color.

"I was attracted to a friend of mine's mother. She wasn't really that old at the time, I mean 40 is not _that_ old. Yet, I was still teased… I guess Luke, what I'm trying to say is, that if you continue this affection, you will be teased. I was teased; it's nothing to be ashamed of. Some guys are just attracted to older women. They offer more you know, they understand you they can please you a lot better than a younger woman."

At this point Luke was sick to his stomach, he did not want to hear his teacher telling him these things, he would rather have a month of detention that have to sit through this. So he did the only thing he could think of, he ran the hell out of there.

**Author's Note:**

**There Update complete! I hope people are still reading this, I'm out of school for a week, and then I start my summer courses. I'm hoping to finish this before the end of summer. Yea, so I hope you enjoyed this long (to me) update, I wrote it during break time in my modeling school. So yea, R/R Thanks!**


	5. Author's Note IMPORTANT

**Author's Note:**

**Due to the fact that I seriously didn't read chapter 1 before I wrote this chapter, I have to redo the first chapter because it makes little sense. So go back and read chapter 1, or you're probably as confused as I am.**


	6. Chapter 5

**Sorry this is so short,know how to portray Anakin, I don't want him to be a ditz, but I want him to be funny.**

_**On with the story!

* * *

**_

"Alright Mr.-"

"Skywalker, Anakin Skywalker." Anakin said.

Maya stared at the man in shock, everyone knew of the famous Anakin Skywalker. The hero who defeated Emperor Palpatine and Count Dooku, standing here with such a hero was a privilege by itself. Now she was going to give the man advice on how to give his two kids a lesson on love. Maya blushed as she thought of this and finally came to section that she was looking for.

"Alright Mr. Skywalker, this is where you can get all the resources you need for the talk you are going to give your kids." Maya picked a holocron up from a holocron shelf and handed it to Anakin. "Here's a good one, it actually has different stories of other parent's experiences on giving their kids the talk."

Anakin looked it over and read through a couple of stories real quick. One caught his eye immediately, from a man named Pint Marquis, it read,

_Dear, So You Gave Your Kids the Talk holocron,_

_My experience in giving my kids the talk wasn't a very good one, but every time my kids and I look back on it we have a good laugh. I had waited until my youngest daughter was 10 and my oldest child was 14 so I could give them the talk all at once, great idea! So, my day started out pretty normal until my wife came in and gave me that look she gives me when I know something is about to go down. I knew it was time to give my kids the talk, earlier that day my wife caught my son in a very awkward position. I gathered my kids into one big room and sat them down, I had a lecture already written out and a few books on the female and male anatomy._

_I started of very subtly, talking about how boys and girls start to develop certain feelings around this time. My youngest daughter being 10 didn't understand what I meant so I had to go a little further that's when the trouble really began. I didn't really know how a girl felt, and I didn't think it was right to tell them exactly how a guy would change. So I made it up, I told her that a girl would turn very bright red in front of a guy they liked. Of course, this isn't the truth and my 13 year old daughter who had already started liking boys started to panic because of course she doesn't turn bright red in front of a guy she started to think that what she was feeling wasn't normal._

_Things were already turning for a worse when my son asked me how a guy was supposed to feel around girls they like. I did** not **want to tell him in front of my two daughters, so I lied again and said that guys experienced nothing. My son panicked and started screaming that he was a freak. I lost it then, I blacked out and my wife took over. Her way was much better than mine, she talked to the girls in one room and then talked to my son in the other. In the end, the kids learned about sex._

Anakin finished reading the story and stood there with a look of horror on his face. He now especially didn't want to give his kids the talk now.

"Well, maybe this story wasn't the best example you know, there are probably some o.k. experiences with giving your kids the talk out there." Maya said sympathetically.

"What did you do for your daughter?" Anakin asked curiously.

"Oh, I took her out for a movie. We went to our favorite restaurant, then I took her to the mall and went shopping and then on the way back home I told her."

"You actually got her to listen to you, she didn't freak out and run away?"

Maya smiled devilishly, "Actually, she did start running, she jumped out of the speeder right before it took of and started running. I tracked her down, then I had to lock her in the speeder."

"Oh."

* * *

**Author's Note: Not the best chapter, but it's getting the story somewhere. R/R!**


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